Thoughts of an American Living in Brazil

I wanted to put together all the random things that I have noticed while living down here.  Most of these things in and of themselves do not warrant a post of their own, but I thought together they would be more interesting.  Perhaps they will be helpful for those who intend to visit one day or to simply give you some perspective on how different life is in Brazil.  Here they are in no particular order:

Brazilians are HUGE on documents.  If you want to buy a loaf of bread with your credit card, be prepared to provide your report card from 7th grade.

The easiest thing I have done so far was apply for my segunda via ("second version" of my Brazilian ID card) at the Receita Federal (the Brazilian IRS).  Go figure, in the country with more bureaucracy than you can possibly fathom, the IRS is the safe haven.

Never drink straight from a can (use a straw!) or people will look at you like you are licking the sidewalk after a parade.

No drink is ever served with ice (unless specifically requested) yet Brazilians absolutely love drinks that are basically on the verge of being frozen.  Does that make sense???  I say no.  Perhaps the lack of ice has inadvertently created an acquired desire for it.  Therefore, if you are having a party, make sure there is plenty of space in your freezer!

Milk lasts two months here and is not refrigerated in the grocery store yet I can't find milk that lasts one week in the U.S.  This development is perfect for the bachelor and has even allowed me to endlessly enjoy Frosted Flakes.

At the movie theater, you get half price (full price is less than $4 if you can believe that) on Tuesdays if you kiss your girlfriend/wife (or whoever for that matter) at the ticket counter.  Keep in mind that this is not at some Mom and Pop movie theater.  This is at the huge cinema in the mall (with fantastic leather seats I might add).  I think it's safe to say that business is valued a little bit differently down in South America. 

A Red Bull/vodka costs 20 reais (about $12) yet I can get a great car wash or hair cut for the same price.

We have an almost universal alphabet yet in Portuguese o's are pronounced like u's, r's are pronounced like h's, and so forth.  What is the point of the alphabet if there is no universally agreed upon pronunciation?  BTW, I think I'm just bitter at Portuguese right now ;).  

If you want to cross the street, you have to be willing to die a tragic death.  Pedestrians have about as many rights as grasshoppers.

When you live in a country where soccer is everything and you were the best player on the team that won two World Cups, you can go to a motel with three transvestite hookers and everyone will still love and admire you.

Ten minutes means one hour, two days means one week, two weeks means one month, and so on and so forth.....

If you never ask for your bill upon finishing a meal, they will literally never bring it to you.  You could sit at the table all night.  I actually think they are trying to be polite in an effort not to rush anyone.  Needless to say, there is definitely no such thing at "turning over tables" in Brazil.

Brazilian girls are intense, passionate, and in constant need of attention.  If you're not ready to publicly display your affection to a girl in every way imaginable, just stay home.  You will be better off.  Trust me.

Brazilian girls are the most resourceful bunch on the planet.  They could live out of a purse for a week straight and never go home.  Somehow,  they are still able to go the beach and out at night with a different outfit each time (where do they come from?) while still looking like they have been prepping for hours.  

I could drive down the highway and shoot a machine gun out of my window for five minutes straight with three transvestite hookers in my car without a problem, yet somehow I have received five speeding tickets and counting.  I can't explain how much I hate photo radar.  Some things are better off left in the U.S.    

When meeting with an tax adviser, he asks how much I would like to pay.  In a country where the top officials regularly steal from the citizens, it is not uncommon to find ways to get some of that money back.

Brazilians are the friendliest people on the planet.  They make Mr. Rogers look like Rasheed Wallace when his pot runs out.  

When you arrive at a gas station, don't get out of the car and try to pump the gas yourself.  Somebody does that for you, or at least that's what I found out...after the fact.  Thank you to my Brazilian friends sitting in the car laughing!

I can get wi-fi access at almost any cafe, but I can't flush toilet paper down the toilet.  Somebody please tell me what's more important: establishing wi-fi internet capability that allows me to surf TMZ.com while sipping a latte or fixing a sewage system that is so bad that people have to throw poo in the trash?

The one universal comment I get when Brazilian girls see pictures of American girls on the beach is, "Wow, their bikinis are really big."  I am not even remotely kidding.  I would now like to personally thank the angel that created the Brazilian bikini. 

In order to pay my bills, I have to physically go to the Loteria (half lottery store/half shit hole).  In the U.S., I can pay all my bills at one time in less than 30 seconds.  In Brazil, paying my cell phone bill requires me to get in my car, drive 10 minutes, wait in line, and then pay in cash (one of my least favorite things to do).  If there wasn't a 95% chance that I see a ridiculously hot girl in line, I would go back to sending smoke signals.  

The biggest scam in Brazil is the notary business (it's a family owned monopoly - shocker!).  Almost everything you do requires some sort of notarization.  You want to transfer your phone line?  Get ten documents notarized.  You want to set up cell phone service?  Get your proof of residence notarized (which was probably also notarized).  My favorite part is when my lawyer asked for notarized copies of my passport.  Oh, you mean the U.S. government wasn't good enough?  You prefer to have a 21 year old Brazilian girl who has never been on an airplane and still lives with her parents validate the authenticity of my passport with her signature?  Ok, sounds good.

I decided to give up my life of luxury of delivery laundry service and purchased my own washer and dryer (my maid graciously agreed to do my laundry - haha).  However, my washer is 220 volts and my dryer is 110 volts, which will require an adapter or my house will burn down.  I really hope that the guy who decided on 110 volts for the dryer gets fired.

99% of the Brazilians I know have tattoos.  In a place where clothing is minimal, I think tattoos are simply a way for Brazilians to express themselves in another way.  You can spot the gringos on the beach from a mile away.  We're the only ones without them....and, um, we're much whiter.

You shouldn't be shocked if I tell you I made out with a girl with braces.  But don't worry, I'm not going to jail.  Braces are very popular here and are even seen as a sign of wealth (not everyone can afford them).  The strange thing is that people get them at a much later age than in the U.S (20's, 30's, you name it).  Therefore, if you meet a girl and her beautiful smile reveals braces, don't hesitate...but check her ID first.  ;)

Two things regarding eating at a restaurant with Brazilians:  (1) don't be surprised if one of them orders as soon as he/she sits down without waiting for anyone else (or asking for that matter), and (2) they never wait for everyone's food to arrive to start eating.  If their food arrives, they will start eating immediately.  Neither is considered remotely impolite.  

As I said above, these are all things that I have come across while living here.  Some of these things sounds like complaints, which they aren't.  I love every minute of living here but, as with anything, it just takes some time to adjust to a different way of life.  In the moment, it can be very frustrating but I have a good sense of humor.  I find myself laughing more often than not, and I guess that's all you can really ask for.

As usual, here are some pictures from the week.

Little Summer in May

They have a saying here in Floripa called veraonita em maio, which means little summer in May. You San Franciscans can equate it to your Indian Summer (although much warmer - haha).  It can only be described by the fact that I haven't seen a cloud in the sky for three weeks, and this week it has been 80+ degrees every day.  I don't know what to say other than I couldn't ask for anything better.  I was a little freaked out about one month ago when a cold front arrived here.  I thought winter had arrived, and I was a little surprised how cold it was.  But now, I'm not so scared, and I've enjoyed every bit of this "little summer" as possible.  The beaches look like they do in the summer with tons of people everywhere, and my air conditioner has resumed its cooling duties.

I took a day off from the beach today to run some errands, which were long overdue.  Today I successfully submitted my paperwork for my segunda via (a "second version" of my Brazilian ID card, of which, of course, my first one never came) at the Receita Federal (Brazilian IRS), successfully obtained a three-month extension on my tourist visa at the Policia Federal, and convinced my car dealership to give me a new car battery for free after my car wouldn't start last night.  The fact that I accomplished all of this in one day in Brazil is beyond comprehension.  Honestly, I feel like I could run for president right now.  Certainly, there will be something that occurs tomorrow that will bring me back to earth, but for now, keep an eye out for Packard for President in 2011! 

Lastly, I received a surprise visit from my friend and his girlfriend earlier this week.  They brought a tiny little puppy with them.  They had found the little guy abandoned on the street starving and barely able to walk.  With Alessandra at my house as well, it was impossible to say no to everyone convincing me that I had so much room at my house and plenty of time to take care of the puppy.  I agreed under the condition that if I didn't want to keep it they would help me find a new home.  To make a long story short, I took care of the temporarily named "Gringo" for a few days and got him healthy and happy again.  I, on the other hand, was not healthy after several days of zero sleep.  Gringo was a new man after a week at my house, but needless to say, I'm not quite ready for that kind of responsibility.  I'm happy to say that we found a perfect home for him last night.  I loved having him around, but I know he will be very happy with his new family and new home.  If you are a dog lover, you will enjoy this.  It's a short video of Gringo vs. The Tennis Ball.  It's safe to say that he was a little scared of the ball:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbRldZuNjxs.

Here are a few other pictures from the past week.  

The Blind Date

I can really only give you one piece of advice when it comes to blind dates in Brazil.  If you are in Brazil and somebody wants to set you up with someone, just say yes, put on some nice clothes, and get it done.  I would find it hard to imagine that you wouldn't be happy with the results.  I think you would have to pay me a lot of money to go on a blind date in the U.S., but I wouldn't hesitate for two seconds in Brazil.  This all went down because my friend is dating a new girl and they thought it would be fun to play cupid.  I also think that they just wanted some additional company to have a fun night out.  I, being the nice guy that I am, stepped up to the plate and saved the day (wink, wink).  The four of us went out earlier in the week and had a blast.  I won't bore you with the details ;-) but here are a few pics....

Philosophizing....

I have a friend from San Francisco that moved to Liverpool, England almost exactly when I moved to Brazil.  He is currently the Senior Partnership Manager with Liverpool Football Club (what a great gig!).  Anyway, he asked me a very interesting question today that got me thinking.  The question he posed to me was as follows:  what, if anything, would you have done differently while living in SF?  One of the greatest things about this time off is that I am able to evaluate my life by reflecting on the past and envisioning what I want in the future.  I especially like to do this while surfing because the solitude and peacefulness of surfing is the perfect environment.  As I have stated in a previous post, we get too caught up in the U.S. (I apologize for the generalization) and never spend this very necessary time just thinking about what we want.  Thus far, this "personal evaluation time" has been very rewarding.

In order to answer the question, I would first say that I believe strongly in living life with no regrets.  As the same time, and without trying to contradict myself, I believe it's important to reflect on the past in an effort to avoid making the same mistakes I have made and to improve my overall life.  Therefore, after spending a LOT of time thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't change a thing.  I was very happy during my time in SF.  I had a difficult but rewarding job, amazing friends, a great apartment, and the opportunity to enjoy everything the city has to offer.  I would say that I probably spread myself too thin at times.  There are many people I miss a great deal (I mean all over, not just SF) and I would like to to think that I would maximize my time with those people as much as possible.   I never, ever took that for granted because I have always known that my friends/girlfriends are special.  However, living in a country where you know only a handful of people and don't speak the language makes you appreciate them even more.  I think there is a possibility that people assume you must have been unhappy to move.  I don't think that's the case at all.  I think life is made up of chapters, and this was just the next chapter of my life (and definitely the best one yet!).  

On an unrelated note, I have been talking to a friend about business ideas and various other things.  He has been very successful in dozens and dozens of various endeavors, and he shared something very simple with me.  If you have an idea, just do it!  You can come up with a thousand different reasons why something wouldn't work or why it would be too hard but if you never try, you will never find out.  I think moving to Brazil was a big step in the "just do it" category so we will see what happens next.  More to come on this area soon.  

Lastly, this same friend is the genius who came up with the idea to shoot a "Girls of Floripa" calendar.  He recruits the models (sometimes with my help) and shoots them by himself.  When I'm lucky, I join the photo shoots (see post titled "Greatest Job in the World").  Anyway, he just put up a quick website to get some of the shots on the internet.  Check it out when you have time (floripacalendar.com).  Obviously, these girls are ridiculously gorgeous, and you would think that they are all totally unattainable......and you would be wrong.  

Investing 101: Brazilian Edition

At a young age, I learned the importance of investing from my father.  He taught me the basics and showed me what could happen if you saved money and invested wisely.  The process captivated me immediately, and I am eternally grateful.  Later in life, I was able extend my knowledge of the principles of investing through the tutelage of some of the best financial advisors in the world at the biggest brokerage firm in the world.  Putting those principles into practice and thoroughly monitoring the process was tremendously rewarding for me.  However, it wasn't until I arrived on an island in southern Brazil that I truly discovered the value of investing.

I have a very good girlfriend who I talk to about all sorts of things.  She only speaks Portuguese and she is one of the sweetest girls on the planet so it's a win-win for me.  Anyway, a few days ago we were discussing her upcoming travels.  She is going home (about a 10 hour drive from Floripa) a the beginning of June.  She is from a VERY, VERY small town up north.  Her father left her when she was 2 and her mother left her shortly thereafter.  Her neighbors were kind of enough to take her and her brother in, and she has since considered them her family.  Anyway, to make a long story short, she told me that she would like to get silicon implants (fake breasts, if you will).  She is an extremely attractive girl but, as I said before, this is the most competitive place I've ever encountered when it comes to beauty.  Girls do as much as possible to maximize their beauty (it's no wonder than Brazil has the highest per capital plastic surgery in the world).  I thought about what she just told me for a minute or two and it dawned on me: how in the world did she expect to pay for the surgery?  The large majority of people here are far from wealthy.  They work just enough to pay some bills and go out a few nights a week.  It is not a culture of 401k's and IRA's.  I asked her how she intended to pay for the surgery.  She told me that her family, her surrogate family, has given her a cow each birthday for the past nine years.  Now, the cows have grown a great deal and are worth quite a bit of money.  She told me that she would sell the cows to pay for the surgery.  Yesterday she found out that one of the cows is even pregnant and its value has instantly increased substantially (we're talking double-digit returns here!).  I have since contemplated going back to my roots and revitalizing Packard Cattle Company.  Needless to say, the whole conversation left me speechless.  I peppered her with questions out of simple curiosity, and she answered each and every one thoroughly and seriously.  I thought about the things I have encountered here and this most certainly has pleased me the most.  In the United States, this girl wouldn't have to pay for a thing.  Here in Brazil, she is selling her nine cows (technically ten) to buy a fake rack.  Only in Brazil......

Nine cows in northern Brazil: ~10,000 reais

Breast augmentation in Sao Paulo for a beautiful girl: ~10,000 reais

True value of a cow: priceless

The Next Ronaldinho???

I highly doubt it.  However, I did play in my first Brasilian futebol game last night, and it was as fun as I imagined it would be.  I scored two goals and one was the goal of the game (please forgive my lack of humility but it was good!).  I think I even impressed the Brasileiros, which I guess is all you can ask for as an Amerian playing futebol in South America.  As most of you know, the game of soccer means everything to the people of Brasil.  To those playing the game, however, it's almost like a dance (the locals compare it to the samba).  It is total and utter enjoyment and it runs parallel to everything else in the country.  From my perspective, the most glaring difference in the game between here and the U.S. is the total respect everyone has for each other.  It was a friendly game, nonetheless, it was far different from what I am used to.  During training in the U.S. we play lots of games and it seems that everyone is constantly bitching to each other on both teams (fouls, ball out of bounds or not out of bounds, somebody missed a pass, or whatever).  I'm ashamed to say that I'm just as guilty as anyone.  Last night guys were calling their own fouls, happily encouraging each other, and just enjoying the game in full.  Two times there were disagreements on fouls and both times each player kept conceding to the other guy in an effort to keep the pace of play and show respect.  Needless to say, I strongly believe that those of us who enjoy the game of soccer can learn a great deal from the jugadores (players) here in Brasil.  Maybe I can convince the Olympic Club to let the team travel to Brasil on a soccer cultural improvement mission.  ;)

I was invited to the futebol game by a Brasilian guy I met through a friend.  As with everyone else I have encountered here, he has been extremely friendly and welcoming to me.  He is married and has several companies so it's not like he is lacking for things to do.  However, he is always inviting me to surf, to go to churrascos (BBQ's), and recently to play on his futebol team. One of the more interesting aspects of Brasilian culture is that most people work several different jobs, and typically none of them are related.  As it has been explained to me, it's almost like a hedge in the event that one of the jobs is experiencing difficulty.  My friend Guga owns a scooter rental shop and an ice cream distributing business (talk about a hedge!).  The Brasilians are very resourceful people, and I'm beginning to respect them more and more each day....