Wednesday, April 8, 2009

50 Differences Between Floripa and San Francisco






50. We don't hug or shake hands when we meet someone in Floripa. We go straight to the kissing.
49. Champagne is a regular part of the diet in Floripa.
48. Every guy I know here seems to have a magic touch with a soccer ball. It must be in the blood.
47. In Floripa the term "playing through" doesn't mean allowing a group of golfers behind you move ahead. Rather, it means going directly from one night of partying to the next night without sleeping.
46. Often times girls in Floripa won't return your text messages not because they don't want to respond to you but because they don't want to pay the money. Unfortunately, this leaves many a guy wondering if the girl is blowing him off or just short on dough.
45. It costs me R$0.38 every time I send a text message in Floripa. I have had to learn how to actually call and talk to people again just so I don't go broke.
44. I haven't touched a washing machine in 13 months while in Floripa and I couldn't be happier about this development.
43. In San Francisco I can't buy a pair of shoes and get the option to pay for the shoes in 12 monthly installments.
42. I pay R$50 per month to have a bank account in Floripa. If that's not a crime I don't know what is.
41. Driving in San Francisco is not a life threatening experience.
40. If I want to park on the street, I have to pay some random street "bum." If I don't pay him, I might not have windows when I get back.
39. Mexican food is actually good in San Francisco. I'm pretty sure that I had a burrito last week that was covered in pasta sauce.
38. In Floripa carrying around a camera doesn't make you look like a ridiculous tourist. It makes you the most popular person in town.
37. I eat dinner no earlier than 10PM in Floripa. In SF, that's almost last call.
36. I don't need to run a bar tab in Floripa. You receive a card once you enter a club that essentially acts as your tab. It seems annoying at first but it's actually quite effective.
35. Nobody flips anyone off in Floripa. Everyone drives like a maniac and it's just accepted as such and therefore, no one ever gets pissed. It's quite novel actually.
34. Pedestrians have rights in San Francisco.
33. I wouldn't touch McDonald's in San Francisco. In Floripa, the golden arches are just that.....golden.
32. People actual use payphones in Floripa. In SF, payphones are about as extinct as the Model T.
31. The houses on the hills with beautiful views in Floripa aren't Pacific Heights-like mansions, they're favellas.
30. In Floripa keeping it mellow tonight means getting home around 3AM.
29. No means Yes in Floripa. Just kidding!!!!! Sort of.....
28. Tennis is played on clay in Floripa.
27. Tattoos, and there are many of them, are considered beautiful and sexy in Floripa.
26. It's illegal to have the photo radar avoiding reflector on your license plate in San Francisco but in Floripa the DETRANS (DMV) actually makes them for you for $40 reais extra (much to my amusement, I personally experienced this yesterday).
25. In San Francisco I wouldn't go out to a place that was farther than 1o minutes from my condo whereas in Floripa I have no problem driving two hours to go to a club.
24. Cops in Floripa drive with their flashers on at all times. I can't possibly think of something more confusing than this for Americans. Should I pull over? Should I stop? What the hell am I supposed to do?
23. When I pick up a friend at the airport in Floripa and park at the curb to wait for him/her I don't get accosted by 17 cops in 20 seconds.
22. In Floripa I don't need sleep to work. I need sleep to go out.
21. Strangers actually want to help you in Floripa and most of the time they even add a smile.
20. Having a two hour coffee in Floripa isn't such a strange concept.
19. When it rains in Floripa I'm surprisingly excited because that means I might take it easy for once.
18. A crazy night out in San Francisco means hundreds of people getting drunk and going wild. That's a slow Sunday in Floripa.
17. The citizens respect the government in Floripa like San Franciscans respect Republicans.
16. There is no sound of an alarm in Floripa (at least not for me!).
15. People actually train their dogs in San Francisco.
14. When I go the beach in Floripa it's beautiful, warm, and clean.
13. A perfect 10 in San Francisco might qualify as a 7.5 in Floripa.
12. When I go out in San Francisco, there isn't a decent chance that I will see Alessandra Ambrosio or any one of the other Victoria's Secret models.
11. In San Francisco I don't need to wait in line (in person, mind you!) to pay my bills.
10. The average temperature in Floripa ranges about 15 degrees between the summer and winter. I could be on the shaded side of Chestnut Street and walk to the sunny side and experience this same temperature variation.
9. Only in Floripa can you go home with a girl from a club in separate cars, watch this girl cause a drunk driving head-on collision, have several cops show up, watch the girl fumble through her purse looking for an ID only to see her give the cops her Confraria VIP card, and still be home making out with her in less than 45 minutes (obviously, this is a story that deserves its own entry but for the meantime, understand that every bit is true).
8. In Floripa the cops can show up at your party to see if everything is ok and you're having fun.
7. Going out with a group of five guys in Floripa won't get you barred from a club because there are already so many girls there that they essentially need the guys.
6. The crab is actually real in San Francisco.
5. Restaurant waiters acknowledge your presence in San Francisco.
4. Somebody else pumps the gas for me in Floripa.
3. When I surf in Floripa I'm not searching the water for sharks.
2. San Francisco, which is a fairly lax city when it comes to enforcing the law, looks like Singapore compared to Floripa.
1. I see more hot girls having a coffee in the Lagoa than I will see in one year in San Francisco (no offense SF - I still love you!)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A Different Kind of Tax Season






If there is one thing that can snap you back to reality in a heartbeat, it would have to be paying taxes. Every American citizen, no matter where you live in the world, has to pay taxes in the U.S. Now, I certainly wouldn't say that I have ignored the situation, however, I just haven't payed as much attention to it as I have in the years past. In the past, I have had folders, spreadsheets, diagrams (jk), you name it. This year has been a lot different to say the least (I'm slowly turning into a Brazilian). When you are receiving a paycheck, paying your taxes isn't such a big deal (although don't get me wrong, it still sucks). However, when you haven't received a paycheck in a year, it seems that every dollar counts and it's tough to face the reality of giving more money back to the government (somehow this is always the case with me). With that being said, I've gotten my act together the past two weeks and faced the fact that as much as it sucks to pay taxes, you have to do it. The great news is that since I'm living in Brazil I am no longer a California citizen. From a tax perspective, I couldn't be more pleased about this. A few more days and we'll all be done and then we can go back to figuring out when in the hell this economy is going to turn around. Who has 2011 in the office pool?

On the bright side, things continue to be marvelous here. The weather has been as good as it's been all year. I know I've said it a hundred times but I'll say it again. This is absolutely the best time of year in Floripa. In the last two weeks, I have had two friends here as well as my cousin. It's been an amazing time but an unbelievable balancing act. I'm trying to entertain, translate, work, sleep, and essentially coordinate everything. The good news is that everything has been fantastic. I had a blast with my cousin. Even though he was only here for three days, we did in those three days what most people would do in a month. It was outrageous. Including in the three days was my first trip to Lagoinha do Leste. The hike was MUCH harder than we thought but the payoff was insane - an incredibly beautiful, secluded beach straight out of the movies. Since I don't get to spend much time with my family these days, it was really great to have these few days with him.

I had another one of my house parties on Saturday after the arrival of an old friend from San Francisco who now lives in Liverpool. It was, as usual, an insanely good time. I put this one together very last minute but the results were the same. I had a few guys renting my house for the weekend and we thought it would be a good idea to have a house party since. A house party might be an understatement. It's more like a house "club." I got the same complaint a few times and they were all from girls. The complaint was that there were too many girls at the party. Now, I'm not being picky, but who in the world would complain about that???? I know my buddy wouldn't complain. He is already on his way back home to Liverpool where I'm guessing things aren't quite the same as they are here.

Speaking of family, my Dad is making his trip to Floripa and will be arriving this Thursday. No one in my immediately family, except my brother, have been able to visit me so this will be a lot of fun. Of course, I will have to slip back into the host mode (honestly, I think I'm permanently on this mode now). The most interesting thing will be the fact that my Dad wakes up around 5-6AM and this is precisely when I make it home from a night out. Now, one choice will be to cut back on the parties, which certainly I will have to do. However, I can't not go out for 10 days, right? Honestly, I think that's impossible at this point. The first real test will be this Friday, which is a holiday, when Sasha will be playing at Warung. The holiday, Pascoa (or Easter), is something that Brazilians take very seriously (although I tend to think it's just another reason to party). The party is going to be outrageous and, well, you can't really miss it. I usually get home from Warung about 10AM since it's located about an hour and a half from my house. I might have to send Danger Pete on a photography mission on Saturday (I'm sure he can find something interesting to shoot on the beach) while I sleep it off. There is always the option of showing my Dad what a real Floripa party is like by taking him to Warung but I really think his head would explode....