Where the Customer is King (Only the Exact Opposite)

Whoever created the slogan "The Customer is Always Right" most definitely had never visited Brasil.  I often think about the things I miss (and don't miss!) from back in the U.S., and I would have to say that the customer experience along with the overall functionability and reliability of businesses are the things that I miss most.  There is no concept along the lines of "if you do right by the customers, they will do right by you" that exists in Brasil.  In actuality, it's almost the complete opposite.  I joke with my friend, Hans, that I now realize why the majority of Brazilians don't spend money.  Hans, for instance, didn't have a washer or dryer for several years while living here.  He preferred to send out his laundry, which in the long run is far more expensive, because he knew what would entail if he were to venture out to purchase a washer and dryer (he was right!).  This country has made it so difficult to buy anything that it's almost not worth the hassle.  As I said in my previous post, sometimes you need so many documents (passport, current bill, etc.) to buy something that you wouldn't even believe it.  However, it unfortunately doesn't quite end there.  If you want to get something fixed, be prepared to wait several weeks.  Need something delivered?  Get comfortable.  If you bought something that didn't work out for some reason or another and wanted to return it, you can forget about it.  I can't possibly explain how much time and energy I spend on things that I absolutely took for granted in the U.S.  I honestly believe that is why people here prefer a simple lifestyle.  The more things you have, the more complicated your life is.  If you can keep it simple, you can have a great life here.  If you desire more, be prepared for a lot of complications.  In order to give you a little taste of life in Brazil, here are just a few examples of these headaches.  

Last week I did not have a functioning internet and phone line for four days.  You have no idea how annoying that is until you experience it.  I lived in my condo in San Francisco for almost five years and I don't think I ever once had to fix my internet.  I've had to do so no less than six times since being here.  Thankfully, I was able to use Hans' wireless line at times, but that too wasn't always working.  It got so bad that I even sat on his front step to get a signal.  Finally, Brasil Telecom came to my house and fixed the problem.  The service man from BT summed it up best by saying, and this is an absolute direct quote, "Brasil - beautiful scenery, beautiful people, terrible phone service."  And this guy worked for the company!  Could you imagine someone saying that from AT&T?  At least I got a chuckle out of it....which was very hard to do at 8AM on a Saturday (killer wake up call buddy!).

As I mentioned previously, I received an electricity bill for the month of June for roughly $1,400.  Since then, I have done everything under the sun to contest it.  There is an entire team that would impress Bill Belichick working on the problem, and I have visited the electricity company twice in person.  The people at CELESC, the electricity company, all agree that the bill is inaccurate.  Some of them have even gone as far as saying the bill is impossible.  Two private electricians have visited my house and said the same thing.  One said that if I left every single thing on for the month, my bill wouldn't be that high (he even wrote a personal letter to CELESC).  However, no one can figure out the problem and so far I haven't received any promising news.  In fact, this month's bill says that if I don't pay last month's bill by August 2nd, they are going to turn off my electricity.  This is the first place I have lived in my life where I receive a bill that I know is wrong and the company knows is wrong, yet I have no choice but to pay it otherwise I'm going to the dark ages.  In the U.S., I would refer to this as "no lube."

As previously mentioned, the first dryer I bought here in Brasil wouldn't work in my house because it operated at 110 volts while my house is geared for 220 volts.  The company recommended a transformer to make it work.  To say the least, that was not successful. Therefore, I tried to return the transformer.  It literally had never been used, but the company wouldn't take it back because it was past 30 days (although it took 30 days for the dryer to even arrive at my house!).  They would only exchange it for two coffee makers, which makes three total now in my house.  The bright side is that I'm now well on my way to opening up the first Starbucks in Floripa.

I haven't received mail in a few weeks and was starting to get curious.  Apparently, the post office went on strike.  I don't think anyone noticed nor do I think anyone cared.  However, you can't do hardly anything electronically in this country so it is a big deal (this whole country lives off of paper - what a shame).  I basically have to go through all of my past bills and see what I need to pay this month since I haven't received any bills in the mail.  I'm super psyched for that day.  Any volunteers?

I know I mentioned it before but I will mention it again because it's relevant to this topic.  It literally took me two months to buy a car here, and it's not because I couldn't find a car.  I found one right away.  However, I wired the money from the U.S. into the car dealership's owner's account.  The bank would not let him withdraw the money, therefore, I wired money into his business account.  Again, the bank would not let him withdraw the money even though he provided all the documents (this process took forever).  Apparently, the problem was due to the fact that the money was coming from another country.  I guess it was irrelevant that it was coming from the U.S., arguably the most reliable financial country in the world.  Here I was, an American trying to purchase a Brazilian product, which in turn helps stimulate the local economy, and I wasn't allowed.  It literally blew my mind.  Imagine where the U.S. would be today if we had these type of restrictions on foreign investment.  I ended up just returning the car and buying from another dealership.  The fine line on the car purchase agreement read: "If you purchase a car from us but later discover that our country's banks are a financial nightmare, you may return the car free of charge."

When you enter a nightclub in Brazil, you have to wait in a line to provide your name and phone number.  Upon doing so, you receive a card, which has a number attached to it.  During the night, you have to provide your card to purchase anything.  I was told that this was done because otherwise the waiters would scam money from the establishments.  However, when the club closes, everyone has to wait in line AGAIN to pay what they owe.  It is generally an enormous mess.  Imagine a bunch of drunk people waiting in a huge line just trying to get out of there.  The lack of efficiency in the system baffles me, but that's just the way it is so everyone accepts it.  The good news is that if you were unsuccessful during the night, this is the opportune time to throw up a buzzer beater.

As with anything in this world, you have to take the good with the bad.  There is no such thing as the "perfect place."  The key is to not let these little problems bring you down.  Sure, at the time, they can be very time consuming and annoying.  However, in the grand scheme of things, they are trivial compared to the things in life that are important.  My ex-girlfriend, Alessandra, got into a terrible car accident last Monday.  She was in the passenger seat and her car was sideswiped on her side (unfortunately, she wasn't wearing a seat belt).  She was in the emergency unit for 24 hours and nearly fell into a coma (she was unconscious for more than 12 hours).  After seeing her for the first time after the accident, you suddenly realize that not having access to the internet isn't quite so important anymore.... 

On an unrelated note, I marched like the King this Sunday.  There was an event at Praia Mole, my local beach, to bring awareness to the situation on Gravata.  Gravata is the section of hills and cliffs on the right side of Praia Mole.  It is beautiful, untouched land that makes Praia Mole the incredible beach that it is.   Unfortunately, a builder has been approved to build a hotel, houses, etc. on the land.  The local community has rallied together to oppose the construction.  Hopefully, we will be successful in stopping this unfortunate event from happening.  The event on Sunday including music, a surf contest, and a great hike up through Gravata.  Here are some pictures from the day.

More Thoughts of an American Living in Brazil

For those of you who have been reading my blog regularly, you know that a few months back I started to write down the things that I find random or different that I come across in Brazil.  You can find the original post on the May column to the right.  Again, these are just little tidbits that aren't worth an entire column but things that I find interesting for better and for worse.  Here they are in no particular order.

   

One of the funniest (and annoying at the same time) things that Brazilians do is that they always ask if you have change when you are buying something.  They literally ask you EVERY single time.  For instance, if you buy something for 11 reais and you give them 20, they will ask you for one real.  But it doesn't stop there.  If you buy something for R$15.50, they will ask you for the R$0.50 every time.  If I had the change, don't you think I would use it?  You may not think this is that unusual but, trust me, you will notice it right away.  It's almost as if they are deathly afraid of having to reach into the cash register and grab some change.  I have no idea how or when this started, but I would very much like it to end soon...

I constantly find myself in unique situations here in Brazil.  Like I've always said, it's like the wild, wild, west down here.  In the last week alone, I've partied with a Brazilian pop star, Ja Rule, and a Russian oil magnet (who must have ordered at least 50 bottles champagne during the night - I had never seen anything like it in my life).  This past week my picture with some friends even managed to grace the pages of a local magazine.  I'm not exactly sure how these things keep happening, but I'm not going to ask any questions.  It sure beats sitting at my desk wondering if there is going to be a hot chick at Balboa that night.

If you are ever lost and need to ask for directions, be prepared to stay lost.  Brazilians are good at many things but giving directions is not one of them.  I was looking for the Brazilian version of the DMV last week and had to stop twice for directions.  One guy sent me south and one guy sent me north.  I've learned my lesson, and so I went west and found it immediately...

On that same note, Brazilian cities weren't built with a lot of foresight.  The streets go in every which way imaginable (imagine the world's biggest maze) and the street names are so long that you couldn't possibly remember them.  For instance, my home address is Rodovia Jornalista Manoel de Menezes 2129 (that took only about a month to remember).  My last two addresses in San Francisco were on Green Street and Pine Street (not quite the same).  Therefore, when you are receiving directions, it will be more along the lines of, "take a left at the Pizza Hut, go straight until you hit the video store, you will see a hospital, turn right, etc., etc., etc."  

Brazil just about one month ago enacted a law that makes drunk driving illegal.  If you can believe it, before then you could drive anywhere you wanted totally blacked out without it being illegal.  Since the DUI laws in the U.S., as we know them now, were created in the 1980's, that only puts Brazil about 20 years behind the rest of the civilized world!  The only problem is that Brazilians drive like such maniacs in the first place that it is impossible to tell who is drunk and who is not on the road.  If I were a Brazilian police officer and I saw someone driving the speed limit, staying within one lane, not aggressively passing cars, and overall just obeying all laws, I would pull them over immediately.  That person is clearly drunk!

My washer/dryer drama has finally ended.  It officially took me around two months from the original date of purchase for me to have a working dryer.  There were so many electrical problems with my first dryer that I had to return it for another version.  Currently, I have a 15K washer and a 10K dryer (and this was the biggest dryer in the country that I could buy).  Therefore, it takes almost two dryer loads to finish one washer load.  My maid gets so frustrated sometimes that she just goes old school and puts all of my clothes outside on a rack.  It's like the Brazilian Hillbillies over here!

I never in my life could have imagined how much Brazilians like to party.  On Sundays back in the U.S., I would be hard pressed to find a place that was open, no less a place that actually had something going on.  On Sundays here in Floripa, you have to go out early, otherwise, you risk having trouble getting in because there are so many people out (did I mention it's ladies night?).  Tuesday - sure, let's go out all night.  Thursday, Friday, Saturday - of course, party until 6AM.  Anyone who thinks Brazilians are a little more laid back than the rest of the world should see them on a dance floor with strobe lights on Sunday night at 3AM!

One of the most entertaining things I have witnessed while being here is how aggressive Brazilian guys are with girls.  You honestly wouldn't believe the difference in mentality.  If a Brazilian guy doesn't have his tongue down the throat of a girl he just met within minutes (the "Brazilian handshake"), he will quickly throw her aside for the next one.  I joke with my Brazilian guy friends that they would be thrown in jail within minutes of going into a club in the U.S.  I do want to thank them, though, for paving the way for us "gentlemen" from the U.S.  If I say please or thank you to a girl, she thinks that I have more manners than Prince Charles.  It is like the equivalent to a lifetime of holding open the door and pulling out the chair for a girl in the U.S.  I think Brazilian guys are just spoiled.  They have been surrounded by gorgeous women their whole lives so if one doesn't like them, they simply move on to the next available one.  What an insanely great country...

Along those same lines, for us Americans, everything we have learned about approaching women must be thrown out the window.  If a girl indicates that she is not interested, it rarely means that is the case.  However, we are just used to being respectful (I guess that's the right term) and moving on if things don't start off well.  Whereas, Brazilian girls are so used to being relentlessly pursued that the first "no" is just a reaction and may not actually depict her true feelings.  Here is a typical conversation between an American male and a Brazilian female and what each is thinking along the way:

American Male is thinking: Jesus, that girl is smoking hot.  I HAVE to talk to her, right?

American Male says: "Hey.  How are you?  My name is John.  I like this place a lot.  I just moved here from the U.S.  Can I buy you a drink and we can talk more?"  

Brazilian Female is thinking: Jesus, this guy has a bad Portuguese accent.

Brazilian Female says: "Get away from me.  I don't want to talk to you."

American Male is thinking: Wow, that was rough, but I can't wait to tell my friends that I talked to a hot Brazilian!

American Male says: "Ok.  I'm really sorry.  I hope you have a good night."

Brazilian Female is thinking: I can't believe he doesn't like me.  Seriously, I CAN'T believe he doesn't like me.  I wore the wrong dress.  I'm not pretty at all.  I'm disgusting.  Why does he not like me?

The moral of the story is that if you are to have any chance here, all societal norms from the U.S. must be thrown out the window.  You have to be willing to fight through that first wall and forget it ever happened.  We have convinced my friend, Marvio (literally the most aggressive human being on earth), to start writing down his thoughts and hopefully one day he will have a book.  I don't know the title yet but something along the lines of It's Not Her Choice, It's Mine would not be out of the question.

I saw Alessandra Ambrosio at a party last week.  Granted, she was pregnant, but she was probably the 20th hottest girl at the party.  It's like the Westminster Model Show down here...

I'm finally making progress on my Portuguese thanks to wonderful Rosana (don't get excited - Rosana is pushing 50).  The funny thing is that she can tell within five seconds whether I went out the night before.  When I show up and she asks, "Tudo bem?" and I respond, "Eu estou com sono," she knows she's in for a long lesson.  Sometimes I try to mislead her with, "Eu estou cansado," but she reads right through that....

Being single in Brazil might cause me to die about 20 years before expected (it's virtually impossible to stay home at night), but I can't imagine that I would be too depressed about it.  I'm 31 years old (soon to be 32, uhum) and having the time of my life.  If I had done this 10 years ago, I would have been too immature and too dumb to realize what was happening.  In 10 years from now, I would be the old guy at the bar creeping everyone out.  After high school, I thought nothing in life will ever be as good as that (no cares in the world, no problems, friends, girlfriends, sports, parties, etc.).  Then college came and went and I was certain that it was all downhill from there (living in Malibu, partying in LA, no bills, no responsibilities whatsoever other than showing up to class at 1PM, etc.).  And then I moved to San Francisco, met some incredible people, and couldn't believe how fun life was and said, well, this is it (incredible city, trips to Tahoe, trips to Napa, new friends, new everything, etc.).  Now I'm here and I wake up every day with a big smile on my face.  Just when you think some of the best times in your life have come and gone, something like this happens and blows your world away.  I have no idea where life is going to go from here, but there is no other place in the world that I would rather be than RIGHT HERE.  Now hurry up and come visit!!!!

One last note: my friend, Jeremiah, is nearing the end of his epic journey of creating "The Girls of Floripa" calendar.  You can actually go on his website and vote for the pictures you like the best.  Check it out at www.floripacalendar.com and make sure your schedule is clear for the next 3-4 hours....

I made the mistake of not having my camera with me for this week's parties.  I should have known that there is no such thing as a down night.  Oh well.  Anyway, to make up for it, here are just some random pictures from Floripa for your viewing pleasure...

One Crazy Week

I'm not sure how to start this story so I'll just try to do the best I can while not babbling too much and sticking to the highlights.  I won't do the experience justice but I'll give it a shot.  My friend, Carol, asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to interview Ja Rule.  He is touring Brazil and had a show in Floripa.  She was asked by a local magazine to interview him, and she in turn asked me because of my English.  Without having any idea of what to expect, I agreed.  After obtaining our "journalist credentials" (I'm using that term very loosely here), we were scheduled to interview him on Thursday with the other journalists.  We headed over to the hotel on Thursday and waited for two hours.  Since I have never interviewed a single person in my life, I had no idea what to expect.  I was thinking, "What in the hell am I doing here?"  But we had prepared some good questions, and I was confident that I knew a lot more about Ja Rule than most of the Brazilians.  Anyway, he never showed up.  Apparently, there was a scheduling conflict and he went to a radio station instead of the interview (I actually was not surprised even remotely).  The rest of the journalists were pissed and headed home.  The PR group invited Carol and I to dinner at the hotel and we agreed with the hope that he would eventually show up.  During dinner a few of his entourage sat down and joined us.  I was chatting with them for awhile about Floripa, and we seemed to hit it off.  They were impressed that I just packed up my life and moved to Brazil.  They had been to a few cities in Brazil already and were loving it.  The DJ was scheduled to play at one of our favorite clubs, Confraria, that night while Ja Rule was scheduled to make an appearance.  One thing led to another and two of his entourage said, "Screw it.  We don't want to wait for the tour bus.  Let's go out with you and we can go the club together."  Therefore, they hopped in my car and we were on our way.  We had a very short amount of time but I suggested that we hit one other club that was having a hip hop party very quickly before heading to Confraria.  They wanted to see what Floripa was all about so they were psyched.  We called the club ahead and told them that we were coming so they waited for us outside.  We cruised right in and I introduced D-Life, Ja Rule's DJ, to the DJ at El Divino, who is my friend and neighbor.  D-Life hopped on stage and tour the roof off the place for about 15 minutes.  The place went nuts.  We then cruised to Confraria where the whole club was waiting for us (this was around 1:30AM).  It was so wild.  Since we were with the crew, we were treated like celebrities.  We were escorted to the DJ booth and they brought us champagne, vodka, (girls - haha, just joking) etc.  They place went nuts as D-Life started doing his thing.  I'm sure the people that I knew there were wondering what in the hell I was doing with these guys.  After awhile, the place started getting anxious for Ja Rule to show up.  I thought for sure that he wasn't going to show but his guys kept saying that he would come.  Sure enough, at around 4:30AM he cruises in with the rest of his entourage and proceeded to bring the house down.  We partied with him the rest of the night. Words can't really explain how crazy it was.  They even almost brought the tour bus to my house after but for better and for worse, it didn't happen.  I really wish I had videotaped the whole thing.  It would be incredible to watch the night over again.  

After two nights of partying (we went to a great Pagode party on Wednesday night), I wanted to take it easy on Friday night.  However, one of Ja Rule's entourage stayed back (the rest went to Porto Alegre for a show) because he had a flight to LA the next day.  He called me and wanted to go out.  He was a super nice guy so we went out and got it done again....I was hurting to say the least but there was more to come.

And so the story continues.  Saturday everyone was pumped up to go to this day party at P12 in Jurere.  We took off around two and there was a line down the street when we arrived.  Only in Floripa can there be a line down the street for a day party in the middle of winter.  It ended up being a crazy, crazy party.  Nobody has school for the month of July so the parties tend to be a little more packed.  All the big hitters ending up coming to this party for some reason.  There were multiple people that were dropped off at the party via helicopter (that is NOT something you see every day - there are some VERY rich people in Brazil), and we even saw Alessandra Ambrosio there.  At some point during the night, we all decided that we should go the Ja Rule concert, which was not an easy decision since it was about an hour and a half away.  I had backstage passes so I thought it would be fun.  The crew rallied and we were on our way....

During the drive to the concert, I was convinced that it was going to be either one of the best nights of all-time or one of the worst (the venue was in the ghetto to say the least and the drive was not fun).  I had no idea which it was going to be.  We all arrived and got in without many problems.  It was early so we hung out in the VIP area for awhile.  Carol and I went backstage before he arrived, and she told me that we were going to interview him before the show (this is the kind of information I would have liked to know beforehand).  He arrived around 12:30AM and us "journalists" went into a room to interview him.  It was too funny for words.  The Brazilian reporters were for some reason afraid to ask him questions.  Carol and I were the only ones asking him questions.  One of the Brazilian reporters actually turned around and asked ME what I think he should ask him.  I was laughing inside.  After the interview, we hung backstage with D-Life and the rest of the gang before they started to perform.  I have a buddy from SF who is in town this week who was backstage with me.  He was with a famous Brazilian singer so he managed to get backstage also.  We were talking about how this stuff could only happen in Brazil.  In the U.S., we would never have been able to do what we were doing.  The show started and Ja Rule proceeded to blow the place up.  We were so close that we were basically on stage with him.  It was unbelievable.  This was also my first glimpse into the power of being a celebrity.  During the show, the bodyguard was picking girls out of the crowd and bringing them onstage.  As soon as he was done playing, he told the girls to follow him to the backstage room.  We got down there before him and they all walked into another room for God knows what with no questions asked.  I would have done anything to be a fly on that wall.  I can't even imagine.  All in all, it was a crazy, crazy night and there is no question that this stuff would not happen back home.  This is a land of opportunity and I'm having one hell of a time.....

During this whole week of craziness, I was playing in a tennis tournament.  I was out until about 7AM every night and then playing tennis at 9AM, 10AM every morning.  It became a running joke with the other guys regarding what time I would get home.  The guy I was playing in the finals even joked that we should start at 8AM so he would have the advantage.  It was nuts.  I was on the verge of dying, but somehow I managed to win the tournament.  Only God knows how....

As always, here are some pictures from the craziness of this week.  I also took two videos.  One is a short video of us at Confraria and one is of Ja Rule coming on stage for his concert.  Here are the links:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x5anS0-5X4w

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fQiFFVzy30o

Independence Day Without the Independence Day

The first real time that I missed home was this past Friday on the 4th of July.  I was seeing all the messages about going to Tahoe, San Diego, wherever and was really feeling like I was missing out.  It is a very strange feeling to be in a place where one of the most important/fun days of the year not only isn't important but nobody even knows what it means.  I guess the importance (for me at least) doesn't lie in the fact that it is an significant holiday for our country, which obviously it is, but rather it has always been a great time to be together with all of my friends somewhere warm and just having a blast (beach volleyball, surfing, the most intense games of flip cup this world has ever seen, etc., etc.).  No matter where I am in the world, it will be impossible to replicate the friends I have back home.  Not only do I think they are special people, we have all been through so much together and have had SOOOO many good times that it would take another lifetime to recreate those kind of friendships.   The good news is that I will be heading to the U.S. in August and will have a few weeks to hang with everyone and catch up in person.  And, of course, we will add to the long list of memories when all of my friends start visiting later this year.  I have been working harding on greasing the wheels, making the right contacts, and seriously preparing the city of Floripa for what will surely be the greatest summer of all time...

The best news of the winter so far is that the weather has been FAR nicer than I had imagined.  It has been in the low 70's for awhile now, and I'm still rocking shorts and short sleeve shirts every day.  The nice winter days here are better than the nicest summer days in San Francisco.  It really is unbelievable.  There are certainly cold days here and there but overall I would say that I have been greatly surprised on the upside, and I have really been taking advantage of it.  I surf or go for a long run every day.  I was also in a tennis tournament this past weekend.  I had two matches and won them both.  I think I have around four more matches to go, but if you don't think that I plan on taking the trophy home, then you are crazy!

In an effort to increase my enjoyment of life down here, I added a ping pong table to the house.  It's about as fun as it gets.  I had some people over Saturday night and we ended up playing for almost four hours.  I just want everyone to know that I am currently undefeated and am accepting any and all challengers....

I started taking private Portuguese classes last week.  I will now have class three times a week for two hours each class.  I realized that Portuguese is not a language you can learn on your own.  It's going to be a lot of work but I am very committed to becoming fluent within the next few months.  We'll see how it goes.

Lastly, along the lines of what I was told about having a sense of humor and a lot of patience while living in Brazil, I received my second electricity bill last week.  My first month's bill was 115 reais and this one was 2,100 reais, which is about $1,300.  I live by myself and hardly ever have any lights on.  The electricity company came out, checked the meter and said that I probably had one light on that was using all the electricity, which was probably the laziest answer in history.  It is no wonder why this country has had so many difficulties getting off the ground.  These things happen all the time.  Only in Brazil...

As always, here are some pictures from the past week or so...