Monday, April 4, 2011

You Might Be A Brazilian If...








- you eat chocolate pizza
- you wait in line for half an hour to pay your electricity bill
- you say "eu já estou chegando" (I'm about to arrive) but know that you'll really be there in about 45 minutes
- you've never bothered to set up your voice mail on your cell phone
- you've watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and recognized three girls from your high school
- you meet someone new and immediately send them a friend request on Facebook
- you consider getting home at 4AM an early night
- your girlfriend calls and immediately hangs up....not because she's mad but because she wants you to call her back so she doesn't have to pay for the call
- you think David Guetta is a God
- it takes you 15 minutes to get of the phone with someone: tudo bem, combinado, obrigado, falou, até mais, tá bom, tchau, beleza, abraço.......
- you wear high heels to the mall
- you carry around more than one cell phone
- you have a wallet the size of a notebook with enough documents to authorize a space shuttle launch
- you eat chicken hearts regularly
- you've ever been hammered and crashed your car and decided to just leave it there and took the bus home. Upon entering the bus, you started to hit on a group of girls on the bus and even invited them back to your house in Jurerê, only they didn't believe you had a house in Jurerê because, well, you were on the bus....
- you consider drinking in the parking lot a "pre-party"
- you have ever been making out with a girl at a club, looked away for 15 seconds, and then turned back around to find that she was already making out with someone else
- you think Jesus Luz is a real DJ ;)
- eating sushi in a cone (temaki) is a part of your daily diet
- you've ever traded your house for an apartment, a car, a surfboard, and tickets for the next David Guetta show
- you think Kim Kardashian's ass is too small
- your idea of catching up on today's news is logging on to MSN chat
- you wear a banana hammock to the beach
- you can sing every word to Moony's "I Don't Know Why"
- you think Lionel Messi should die a slow, painful death
- your idea of dating is meeting a girl at the night club every Saturday
- you've received 15 Facebook invites this week and they are all for parties
- you've ever heard a cop say, "don't tell me the girl who hit your car is drunk. She'll lose her license and her insurance won't be able to pay for the damage to your car."
- you've ever bought gum for the sole purpose of re-attaching camarote (VIP) bracelets to get your friends into the camarote
- memorizing pi would be easier than memorizing the passwords for your online bank account
- your local supermarket charges 15 reais for Heinz ketchup
- you have ever had dinner at the gas station
- you have ever bought a pair of shoes and paid for them over a twelve month period
- your Dias dos Namorados (Valentine's Day) date includes a stop at a motel that charges by the hour
- you're starting to go deaf at an early age most likely because you have been listening to hard core house music since you were 12 years old
- you know what Orkut is
- you can successfully online chat with 15 people at the same time
- you drive like an absolute maniac but yet randomly stop to let oncoming traffic take a left to help ease traffic
- you have ever driven to a party in the middle of the jungle two hours away in a car full of people and never heard one complaint

9 comments:

DC said...

That's some funny shit Chris...and I was only there for 5 days. Nice to meet you and Vanessa. See you next summer.

David C.

Anonymous said...

I think u should've written " you are a manezinho if..."
Mané or manezinhoz = someone from Floripa

Anonymous said...

Good to see a post after such a long time. Keep them coming, please!!!

Anonymous said...

Nice posts! You could come to Salvador too! :)

Vanessa said...

Let's make it clear that your current girl friend doesn't hangs up the phone on your face to save money :)

Unknown said...

This is brilliant! I really appreciated the Facebook and Kim Kardashian comments!

Lex said...

I'm not really sure who you are...considering moving to Brazil after falling in love with it and stumbled across your blog. But this was hilarious and you should def submit to BuzzFeed =)

Summer Loves Winter said...

You forgot to include when are you going to pay at the supermarket in the preferential cash because there is no one, and the cashier is so slow that the queue of 15 seniors who formed behind hates you :)

Keep posting as funny as you are doing it already!

https://summerloveswinter.wordpress.com/2015/01/23/florianopolis/

Unknown said...

Omg I've lived in Brazil on an off my whole childhood and plan on going back in about a year or so. Trying to decide whether i want to live in Cabo Frio or Florianopolis.. But anyways, this post was sooooo funny! you should include Brazil's dating includes "marcando pra ficar" which my American friends never understand!. Great blog