More Thoughts of an American Living in Brazil

Is there a better feeling in the world than getting pulled over late at night at a check point and being dead sober? I don't think so. I have been pulled over twice at night time during my time in Brazil and, as luck would have it, both times I have been sober as a nun. I just ooze confidence when this happens. I start talking to the police officers like I'm Eddie Murphy or something...making jokes, laughing outrageously, etc. Really, I feel invincible during this time (although not quite as much as Charles Barkley apparently....but close).

Well, it took me 10 months but I finally learned what the word "carona" means. Carona, which is pronounced exactly like Corona (the famous Mexican beer), means "lift" or "ride" as in "can you give me a lift?" Now, to all of my Brazilian friends, I could have used a little help on this one a few months ago. People have been asking me for "caronas" for awhile now and I always thought it was strange....I was constantly thinking to myself, "Do I look like someone who drinks a lot or walks around with a few extra Coronas to spare?" It always perplexed me, and typically my answer was no. But, finally, after many months of unknowingly seeming like an asshole, I am now giving free caronas left and right so if you see a grey Ford Fiesta with a surf rack cruising on by, just throw out the thumb and I'll get you where you need to be. And if you're lucky, I might even have a beer for you!

Speaking of hitchhiking, as I've mentioned before, hitchhiking is much more commonplace here in Brazil (at least Floripa) than in the U.S. (those serial killer stories apparently never affected the people down here). In fact, I have even heard several stories of guys meeting their future girlfriends for the first time while picking them up for a ride (nothing seems to surprise me anymore). But honestly, I'm all for this and who wouldn't be? It's like speed dating but in the comfort of your own car, and you always have the option to drop them off at any destination you choose or perhaps you can keep driving if things are going well. Therefore, I would suggest you forget Match.com and yoga classes. If you're looking for a girl, I recommend that you start doing laps around the Lagoa...trust me, it beats the hell out of Facebook stalking.

People keep telling me that I should buy a scooter or motorcycle to avoid the traffic. After much deliberation, I decided that I would rather ride a tricycle on the New Jersey Turnpike than ride a motorcycle in Brazil.

It seems that all of my thoughts these days are based around driving and that's because with the traffic that I have encountered during the summer here, you are literally taking life into your own hands. The people on the side of the street selling water and beer (think about that for a second - selling beer to drivers!) must be making a killing. However, based on what I've seen, if I just set up a first aid tent down on the main road and charge to help those injured in traffic accidents, I might be able to retire in about six months.

If you own a house and end up renting the house to a few guys from New York who tell you that they met some "crazy girls from Rio" over the holidays, do you just burn the sheets or do you do the whole thing and burn the beds and start all over?

I have eaten more sushi in the past month than I have eaten in my entire life. It seems that I have convinced myself that Mercury poisoning is non-existent south of the equator. Literally, not one Brazilian (at least not one that I have met) has any idea what Mercury poisoning is. Let's just say that the government hasn't exactly done its job in getting the word out. Therefore, if I start to experience skin discoloration, swelling, or burning of the skin, don't worry. I own a sushi lounge, and this is the price I must pay.

If a Brazilian girl tells you that she doesn't like to have her picture taken, don't trust this girl because she is a liar!

It's 90 degrees every day and the water feels incredible (at least for a Californian). However, the majority of the Brazilian surfers wear wetsuits every day. For a culture that is known for its machismo, this is about as macho as me wearing a thong on the beach. Unfortunately, I witnessed a dude doing just this last week (fully shaved legs and all). The nightmares I'm having at night should come as no surprise.

In the U.S. I used to have an X5 yet here in Brazil I drive a car that requires me to turn off the air conditioning to make it up steep hills. It's funny how things change, yet I wouldn't change it in a million years.

The days keep passing and the speeding tickets keep coming. I swear to God that I basically drive like a grandmother now so I don't know what the hell is happening. If this is some kind of candid camera prank, it's not funny!

Tan lines - I swear at this point I don't know if I could live without them.

In Brazil, the most popular restaurants are buffet style (pick your food and weigh it). Seriously, how did this concept not work on the U.S.? You get to pick exactly what you want to eat and you know essentially how much you are going to pay for it. It must be the white trash stigma or maybe it's because the food in the buffets here is just so much better and healthier. However, if I ever move back to the U.S., I'm growing a mullet and rockin' the wife beater because I just can't live without the buffet!

Of the many things I am learning in the restaurant business, one of the most prevalent is how to deal with employee issues. It's funny because we used to joke about how our investment team at Merrill Lynch was just a human resources department due to the fact that we had a big team and it always seemed like we were dealing with some sort of ridiculous issue. Now, I'm facing these these issues every day, and I'm thankful to Shotty for all that I learned in this department during my years there. However, I would argue that the H.R. rules are a little different down here than at Merrill Lynch. For instance, I'm currently looking for a waitress and I'm not going to say that the interview process involves a runway buuuuuuutttt..........

It blows my mind how little what goes on in the rest of the world affects the place I live (at least on a day to day basis). I easily could go through each day and not hear a single word on what is happening across the globe, and on many days I do. Obviously, you could argue this as a good thing or a bad thing (certainly, I don't want to lose touch). However, for now while the world is in the shape that it's in, I'm going to argue that it's a good thing. Life is simple here and why not? Who wants to hear about terrorism, oil prices, investment pryamid schemes, etc., etc. I, on the other hand, am looking forward to the big decision of tomorrow: blonde or brunette for the open waitress position????

Lastly, check out these two recent articles on Floripa:
http://travel.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/travel/11party.html
http://www.jcreport.com/blog/120109/florianopolis-ibiza-south-america